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Author Topic: British and American Jokes  (Read 11042 times)

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British and American Jokes
« on: August 05, 2012, 11:27:35 AM »
Let's have some fun every day!

A smile can make you ten years younger. Happiness is the best cosmetic.   ;D
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Smart Student
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2012, 11:31:40 AM »
Smart Student

Teacher:   Name some of Thomas Edison's contributions to science.

Student:  If it weren't for Edison, we'd all be watching television by candle light.
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An Essay
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2012, 11:44:50 AM »
An Essay


    "Now, children," said the teacher, "I want you to write me an essay without a theme - just put down what is in you."
    Ten minutes later Jimmy handed in the following:
     "In me there is a heart, a lung, and an appendix. And there is a stomach with two pieces of bread and butter, an apple, and five caramel."
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Mother and Bank
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2012, 03:44:35 PM »

Mother and Bank


  Every time when a child asked his mother for money, she would say, "What do you think I am? A bank?"
  So the child went to ask for money in a bank. The clerk said to him, "What do you think I am? Your mother?"
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Re: Mother and Bank
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2012, 07:20:48 PM »
A fan of science, philosophy and so on. :)

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Re: An Essay
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2012, 08:18:12 PM »
 WOW! Literally; to the letter!  ;D
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Re: Smart Student
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2012, 08:54:27 PM »
 Hehe, so "smart" that even hasn't idea about the old vacuum tube television sets. :)
More about the vacuum tube: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vacuum_tube#History_and_development
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No Wonder
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2012, 10:27:19 AM »

No Wonder



    "Has the laundry make a mistake?" asked Mr. Brown.  "This shirt is so tight I can hardly breathe."
    "Yes, it's your shirt all right." replied his wife, "but you've got your head through a buttonhole."
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More Reliable
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2012, 10:29:53 AM »

More Reliable



     We were discussing various kinds of clocks in my kindergarten class. "Now you have an alarm clock at home, don't you?" I asked one of the pupils.
     "Oh, no," he replied, "we don't need one. We have a grandmother."
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Buttonhole
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2012, 01:26:12 AM »
 WOW! The buttonhole!...  ;D ;D ;D It's really unexpected! Good, very good joke!
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Reliable
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2012, 01:30:28 AM »

Reliable


 That's the word!  8) Do you know what I think? I think sometimes the titles of the jokes are also as funny or/and smart as the joke (the content of the joke) itself! "More reliable;D Nice! Really. :)
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We Have The Same Mother
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2012, 11:39:56 AM »

We Have The Same Mother


    Billy and his brother Davy were in the same class. The teacher assigned them to write a composition "My Mother". Davy wrote one and Billy just copied it. On the next day, the teacher asked Billy, "How is it that your composition is exactly the same with Davy's?"
    "We have the same mother, don't we?" replied Billy.
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Unreasonable Complaint
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2012, 11:44:07 AM »

Unreasonable Complaint


    Two friends were having dinner together. There was only one dish with two fish in it, one larger and the other smaller. One of the friends got the larger fish and the other was very angry.
     "How selfish you are!" he cried.
     "Why?" his friend was surprised.
     "You've got the larger fish."
     "What would you do if you were me?"
     "I'm sure I would choose the smaller one."
     "Then what are you complaining of? You've got your smaller fish."
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What Lincoln Did?
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2012, 12:17:20 PM »

What Lincoln Did?


   Father: "Get up, son. When Lincoln was your age, do you know what he was doing?"
   Son: "No, Dad, I don't. But I do know what he was doing when he was your age."
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Good Answer
« Reply #14 on: August 14, 2012, 12:20:20 PM »

Good Answer


    Interviewing an applicant for a chauffeur's job, a man said,"Now, I want a very careful chauffeur, one who doesn't take the slightest risk."
    The applicant responded,"I'm your man, sir. Can I have my salary in advance?"
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