I hope this thread may be useful for the English learners from China (中国) and for the English learners around the world!!! I'll post posts of people, who participated in an already non-existing Chinese-English forum. I miss you guys, I hope you may find this some day and let me know you're still online, you're still alive and you're still doing well! I love this new community here, but I can't stop miss that old one, too!

So, let us start it:
Today we'll read a topic about "About making foreign friends".
Tbone
Da jia hao:
I will take my chance here and try to type what I think about making foreign friends. It is just my opinion and nobody else has to agree with me, but living in this part of the world, at my age, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned, good and bad.
We already know the difference in culture between Asia and America. I believe the personality of people has to do mostly with 2 things: The genes that person born with, and the “way he/she is raised”. People in Asia are raised in a more cultural way than the American way. In my opinion is more polite. Although, there is “good and bad” anywhere. What I’m trying to say here is, that American people are more aggressive than Asian people. As I wrote in another posting, this aggressiveness is due to what we are seeing at the movies, television and now the Internet. For a kid who is growing under these influences, being aggressive is the normal way of acting in real life. So to make the story short, here in America people “learn” to be aggressive in every way, not to mention the ways to make money. And sometimes aggressive to the point which is “violent”, because being aggressive towards life is a good thing almost always.
For the Chinese guys who are trying to make foreign friends (specially girls), there are 2 or 3 basic things girls like in a man, (this is not a rule, or an absolute considering that there are no 2 persons exactly equal in every aspect, including identical twins, but rather by experience, both personal and for what I’ve seen in other cases.
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1. Girls like men who are very secure of themselves. I mean, they like guys who know what they want, and in this sense aggressive, most of the time these guys have initiative. For this same reason, many women like business men, because “almost always” (not absolute) business men have a good initiative, they don’t “wait” for things to come, they go for it. So in this sense, girls like men who “go for them”. And as we also know, behind business there is money, but I’m not going to comment on this, because I believe being friends have nothing to do with money. People who “make friends looking forward to make money are not real friends”. Money in the pocket is their friend as the saying goes. So we can be a bit nervous when meeting a girl but never show like you don’t know what to do or where to go. Girls don’t like that. On the other hand girls like men who are “fast” but not anxious, they have different meaning. Being fast is being effective, being anxious is to be nervous or to have fear and girls note this very quick. When we are effective other people see us like a secure person. If you are afraid at some point, don’t worry, every person in this world is afraid of something, just try to relax. Relaxing is also good to our health, and looks better than fear.
Maybe we are afraid of a bad experience, or just because “we think” something bad could happen. Guys, past and future “do not exist” just work in the present time it is the only real thing, work now and don’t let your mind go in a travel to the past or the future, it just doesn’t work. So try to keep present all the time which is present in itself. Don’t confuse being aggressive with “telling others what to do” making others to be afraid of you is not the same than gain people’s respect (honor). We can give advice in trying to help someone else but “never command what to do”. So at the bottom line, girls like to feel they are “protected by a secure man”.
2. Almost every girl like men who has “a good sense of humor”. Again, “almost always” a guy who has a sense of humor is a smart guy. And most girls find this to be very sexy (hehe - keep this a secret). Another good thing is that “almost always” a person who has a good sense of humor is not an abusive person. Maybe some women like serious guys but that is not the rule. Many more women like humorous men. And going further, humorous men that know when to be serious and effective.
3. This point is rather the negative aggressiveness, which some women happen to like also. We can find every kind of people in this world, with very weird ways of thinking and acting but this can be a completely different topic to be studied alone. As I said before, violence is becoming more and more our daily bread. Nowadays, at least in this part of the world, (I don’t know about Asia) many girls like violent guys, only to note at the end that they are victims of violence. It is like a running virus. Perhaps this is happening as a vicious circle, because the street is so violent, these girls need violent men on their side in order to feel protected. But well, I don’t think this is our interest here. What we want to do is make friends not enemies. On the other hand girls don’t care about your pain in the stomach, or your pities. At the bottom line and this is a personal opinion, both extremes are bad. Being too hard or too soft. We need to have elements of both sides to build a good friendship.
It is not a matter of being good looking or ugly, it is a matter of how a person feel being with you.
As a personal note: Guys be effective and kind with girls. I think Mao Tse Dong said:
- women are the real power of society �C I’m not sure if Mao said that, but I believe it.
By the way, I recommend the movie Unleashed with Jet Li, this movie shows both sides of the coin. Great movie… Have fun guys/girls.
Howard.Zhu
Hi,Tbone:
The first I have moved your topics from "reply" to special topics. This is wonderful topics, very wonderful. thanks your share your opinion with us that
We can get what's foreigner thinking about this problem.
We already know the difference in culture between Asia and America. I believe the personality of people has to do mostly with 2 things: The genes that
person born with, and the “way he/she is raised”. People in Asia are raised in a more cultural way than the American way. In my opinion is more polite.
Although, there is “good and bad” anywhere. What I’m trying to say here is, that American people are more aggressive than Asian people. As I wrote in
another posting, this aggressiveness is due to what we are seeing at the movies, television and now the Internet. For a kid who is growing under these
influences, being aggressive is the normal way of acting in real life. So to make the story short, here in America people “learn” to be aggressive in every
way, not to mention the ways to make money. And sometimes aggressive to the point which is “violent”, because being aggressive towards life is a good
thing almost always.
agree, There are many difference culture in world. asia,america and etc. maybe There are hundreds culture in the world(every country). As you said "good and bad" theory. The American people are more aggressive than Asian people. and Asian are more focus on "team work". for examples korean football team. -:)
also I like America movies - hero story movies. for examples: Sylvester Stallone,Arnold Schwarzenegger and etc.
For the Chinese guys who are trying to make foreigner friends (specially girls), there are 2 or 3 basic things girls like in a man, (this is not a rule, or
an absolute considering that there are no 2 persons exactly equal in every aspect, including identical twins, but rather by experience, both personal and for
what I’ve seen in other cases.
Specially girls: I have to say something here. What's real reason of Chinese girls want to make friends with foreigner?
1)Fresh and exciting. if somebody has a foreigner friends,It should be very cool. I think so.
2)money. As we know the most Chinese are not rich,special for countryside of China and the west of China.The people always think the foreigner are all rich.
3)learning. Somebody just want to learning more from foreigner.
4)marriage. Maybe somebody want to get oversea marriage.
The above is just my personal opinion. :-), Maybe I not right.
Hi,Tbone:
You have told us about the "girls". What's your opinion about "boy"? As We know, We often meet some guys at CC who said "I want to make friends with foreigner". and leave a MSN name or email address. after some days. The boy was disappeared and not login CC anymore. .
So. Can you talk something about how to make forum friends and give a guideline for these girls and boys?
Howard, thanx for your confidence and for asking me about this. To be honest I prefer to make friends with girls because they are more sensitive than guys. Not that I don't have male friends here because I have some. They have proved to me that they are sincere and real friends. But on the Internet a person is not always "who he says he is".
I really believe that here in CC there are a couple of persons who have created hundreds of profiles with different names but they are the same person. I think they also create a false profile in hotmail just to get some information from you or me or anybody else but they are not real friends. Don't ask me how I know that, I just feel it. I could be wrong too.
When you find a real friend you can feel his/her sincerity. I always ask for a photo of the person, when I chat with them, if they start to get excuses for not showing a picture, or they just don't give any personal iformation, there is a big probability that person is not who he says he is. What I'm trying to say is that people who want to make friends they show you sincerity and they are honest from the very beginning.
Going back to people who retire and you don't see them any more. Not everybody is the same, and no1 is perfect. Like the case of our friend Ricb, nobody have seen him again since a long time. He is a great friend, but maybe he has to work so much that doesn't have the time to be on the Internet.
Another point is the difference in time between China and America, sometimes makes it hard to communicate, because when one is resting at home the other part is working. So in this case I prefer to let people work in peace not having me bugging and interrupting their work.
Skype is another great tool to communicate, but only on weekends because of the same reason as above, time difference.
I can tell you about me. I'm always the same way, what you see (or read) from me is what you get. I just try to speak my mind. When I find a "real friend" I just feel the "click" between the person and me, because the friendship goes very smooth. Time will show if the person is a real friend.
About the girls I think you are correct. And money has a lot to do with this because as I wrote in another posting, compared to RMB the american dollar is bigger, but no, all americans are not rich. Some of us have to work very hard to get a "small" salary, but there are other topics here about this. I really think this is going to change soon because Chinese money keeps going up and up.
I have to go to sleep now, so later on we can continue to post here... Happy friendship to all of us...
Yes. I must let this topics continue.... :=) It's real realy good topics for communicate the difference culture between the difference time area.
I like this sentence: "who he says he is". :-( . The first I think the "sincere" is the best important. and then "warmhearted"...
Like the case of our friend Ricb, nobody have seen him again since a long time. He is a great friend, but maybe he has to work so much that doesn't have the time to be on the Internet.
Yes. I know this guys Ricb. Actually, We have not seen him for a loong time. and Redfort,kwengirl,Whiteboy.. Oh, I can remember everything about this guys... Really, I'm very hope meet these guys again.
I really believe that here in CC there are a couple of persons who have created hundreds of profiles with different names but they are the same person. I think they also create a false profile in hotmail just to get some information from you or me or anybody else but they are not real friends. Don't ask me how I know that, I just feel it. I could be wrong too.
How to make foreigners friends? I hope Chinese guys take a guideline from this topics.
Nick
Good Evening Gentlemen,
I happen to be one of those individuals who does not get to log on to CC very often. I happen to be one of those individuals that work extremely hard, and wishes I had more time to be in this forum.
I wanted to comment on a few of the discussion points above.
I simply have to agree with TBone. Being an American, I see and witness aggresiveness every day. And it is also very true that it has everything to do with how you are raised.
I personnally guided my children through every aspect of their lives, from the time they were born, and even today, I offer only my opinion, simply because they are grown. However, my son is a Secondary Education Math Teacher, and my daughter is in her third year of Radiology School.
Unfortunately, there are far to many parents here in the US that believe once their children are in school, they are no longer their responsibility. And once they return home, they really don't engage their children with homework. Many simply ask if the schoolwork is done. With a "Yes" answer, the kids are off playing with friends, or sitting in front of so called "violent" video game and/or watching violent movies.
After school activities are paramount to socaializing the younger generation. We spent countless hours taking the kids to school functions. Were we tired after a long day at work? Absolutely!!! But the kids, they take presedence. You have no choice, they are your children. You had them.......now parent them!!!
Making foreign friends is another great topic for discussion. In a prior post, I commented that I made several friends simply by joining this forum. Even today, I continue to chat with several of my new friends. I can only thank those that put this website together for that!!! What I find most amazing is how many individuals have actually read my post. What is even more amazing is how many people contacted me from China. I have had the opportunity to travel to many places in this world. With out a doubt, the Chinese are simply most gracious and friendly people to know. I cannot wait to return to china to meet some of them in person. By the way, the ages range from 24 to 51, and both genders.
Lets talk about personal characteristics.
I happen to have two of the three. I am completely confident, as well as having this "Sense of Humor". I used both when I engaged everyone I came in contact with when in Shanghai last October. Do the women pick up on this? Definately. But so did the men. Did I do this to gain any advantage? No. It is simply who and what is part of my personna!!!
Violence is a characteristic of someone with weak or very low self-esteem. Somehow, somewhere, someway, most violent people became violent due to circumstances beyond their control. Human nature is to live in harmony with other humans!!!
Ok, now lets talk about money.
Am I a wealthy man? No. Do I live comfortable? Yes. However, it is without question, things are not all that good here right now. Nor is it all that great globally. There are literally millions of Americans that have lost their jobs over the last few years as well as their homes. Why? Because most tried to live beyond their means. Large lavish homes, expensive cars, and verly large credit debt.
When all of the major corporations decided to do business overseas, the jobs went with them. It was only a question of time before we could no longer afford to keep up and pay for everything without jobs. Many Americans get angry at other people in other countries and blame them for their peril. I kindly remind them that these people have nothing to do with you loosing your job. The corporations took that work overseas because there was huge profits for them by manufacturing goods eleswhere. It was only a matter of time before we could no longer buys the items that were manufactured eleswhere. Even today, places such as China are feeling that same affect. There is not as much manufacturing leaving China, because a significant portion of Americans can no longer afford to purchase things without jobs.
Even today, being an employee of a major US automotive compnay, I consistantly wonder if I will have a job by the end of the year. As a matter of fact, I am in constant communication with my friend Yu Zhang. We are attempting to create a business to supply my company car parts, simply in case I loose my job.
But here is the difference between me and almost every American business owner.
If Yu Zhang and I were to become successful and have an operation in China, most Americans would simply pocket every bit of money they make, and not share it with those that actually did the work. I, on the other hand feel completely different. What better way could you show those working for you, making your business successful, that you appreciate them without sharing in the profits. I can only imagine and hope that one day, prior to the National Day week off, I can call each and every employee into an office, and hand them a little red evelope with extra money in it to enjoy with family. Gee, I'm not even sure if something like that violates tradition or protocols in China.
Well, I believe I've said plenty here. At least the two of you have a better idea of who Nick is and what he believes in.
Have a graet day and be safe!!!
Nick
Tbone
Nice post Nick. I'm glad you came back and wrote this. Keep it up bro.
Hi Tbone,
I'm good to go until winter semester starts in January. Then I'm back studying the next Chinese class. At that point, between work and class, I'll be off the grid for a while!!! I can barely keep up right now!!!
Thanks for the response!!!
Nick
Tbone
Hello Nick,
Bu yong xie... I'm very glad you still studying chinese. That's cool... I keep studying by myself also, it is hard but not impossible. Thanx for taking the time to drop a few lines here...You are always welcome here dude...
Howard.Zhu
That's right. I always say"Hi,Tbone, come here, The best way of learning Chinese is go to China,you need this language envirnoment,In China, everybody speak Chinese",haha.
Tbone
hehe... That is funny Howard, but so true. I wish I could be there right in this moment.
Nick
Howard, what do I say to your comment above??? You're killin me!!! That is exactly what I intend on doing!!! However, I cannot get work to send me!!!
You would think that someone with the title of "Global Commercial Component Coordinator" for a major automotive manufacturer might get back to China, a bit more often!!!
Well, if they don't send me soon, I'm thinking i may have to find an employer that will!!!!
Have a great week,
Nick
Howard.Zhu
Well, I think you guys great and get a job here easily. you can be a teacher,or work for translation service provider.
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