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Author Topic: FUN  (Read 58081 times)

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Woman Bashing
« Reply #30 on: September 19, 2011, 11:31:04 PM »

Woman Bashing




For Men Tired of Receiving Male-Bashing Jokes:


Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.




Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men break wind more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.



Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.



I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.



Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.




http://www.funnywebsite.com/womanbashing.php
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The Reasoning Test
« Reply #31 on: September 20, 2011, 03:25:27 AM »

The Reasoning Test

Can you make sense of things?
Are you a fumbling moron?
Can you pass this test?

Pay close attention to each question and make sure to take your time.

 

Question #1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

(Scroll down for answer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator door, put in the giraffe, and then close the door.

Explanation: This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an over-complicated way.

 

Question #2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(Scroll down for answer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator door, put in the elephant, and then close the refrigerator door.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and then close the door.

Explanation: This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

 

Question #3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

(Scroll down for answer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.

Explanation: This tests your memory. Even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

 

Question #4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

(Scroll down for answer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct Answer: You swim across. All of the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

Explanation: This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old. http://www.funnywebsite.com/reasoning.php
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boomerang
« Reply #32 on: September 20, 2011, 11:59:17 PM »

Arrow

Arrow and then... "???;D

http://xkcd.com/939/

 Then - a boomerang!  ;D ;D
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Juggling
« Reply #33 on: September 21, 2011, 12:48:00 AM »

Juggling


"How To Juggle"

http://xkcd.com/942/
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Empirical
« Reply #34 on: September 21, 2011, 12:52:24 AM »

Empirical

Woman: Will you marry me?
Man: Let's find out!

Man: Apparently, yes!
;D


http://xkcd.com/943/

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Hurricane Names
« Reply #35 on: September 21, 2011, 12:59:19 AM »

Hurricane Names


"After the latest wave of hurricanes, not only have we run through the year's lit of 21 names, but we've also used up the backup list of Greek letters. All subsequent storms will be named using random dictionary words.
The newly-formed system in the gulf has been designated "Hurricane Eggbeater", and we once again pray this is the final storm of this horrible, horrible season."


http://xkcd.com/944/
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20 Ways to Maintain Your Sanity
« Reply #36 on: September 23, 2011, 01:59:11 AM »
 ;D

20 Ways to Maintain Your Sanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".



8. Dont use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera (or to the classical station on your radio).

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.




15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. Visit FunnyWebsite.com on a daily basis.



http://www.funnywebsite.com/maintain.php

 ;D
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Snowflakes
« Reply #37 on: October 10, 2011, 11:51:19 PM »
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Re: FUN
« Reply #38 on: October 13, 2011, 12:41:17 PM »
Best Buddies

A farmer decided he wanted to go into town to see a movie.  He went into the cinema and walked up to the ticket agent, and the ticket agent asked "sir, what is that on your shoulder?"  The old farmer replied "this here is my pet rooster Chuck". Wherever I go, Chuck goes.  "I am sorry sir," said the ticket agent.  We can not allow animals inside the theater.  The old farmer feeling sad, walked out went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down inside his overalls.  He then returned to the ticket booth and bought one ticket and went inside the movie theater.  He sat down beside two old widows named Mildred and Marge.  The movie started and the rooster began to squirm.  The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.  "Marge" whispered Mildred.  "What?" said Marge.  I think the guy next to me is a pervert. "What makes you think so? "asked Marge".  "He undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.  "Well, dont worry about it", said Marge.  "At our age, we have seen them all."  "I thought so too" said Mildred, but this one is eating my popcorn!

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Re: FUN
« Reply #39 on: October 13, 2011, 03:39:03 PM »
Best Buddies

A farmer decided he wanted to go into town to see a movie.  He went into the cinema and walked up to the ticket agent, and the ticket agent asked "sir, what is that on your shoulder?"  The old farmer replied "this here is my pet rooster Chuck". Wherever I go, Chuck goes.  "I am sorry sir," said the ticket agent.  We can not allow animals inside the theater.  The old farmer feeling sad, walked out went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down inside his overalls.  He then returned to the ticket booth and bought one ticket and went inside the movie theater.  He sat down beside two old widows named Mildred and Marge.  The movie started and the rooster began to squirm.  The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.  "Marge" whispered Mildred.  "What?" said Marge.  I think the guy next to me is a pervert. "What makes you think so? "asked Marge".  "He undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.  "Well, dont worry about it", said Marge.  "At our age, we have seen them all."  "I thought so too" said Mildred, but this one is eating my popcorn!

  Right :) There is also another allusion Rooster = Cock. "Cock" (in English) means "rooster" and "penis".
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I'm Sorry
« Reply #40 on: October 15, 2011, 12:00:15 AM »

I'm Sorry


"Girl: My Mom's house burned down.
Boy: Oh! I'm sorry!
Girl: Why? It's not your fault.
Boy: It's nice of you to say that, but I know what I did.

It annoys me when people interpret an obviously sympathetic "I'm sorry" as an apology, so I've started responding by making it one.
"
http://xkcd.com/945/


 I think it's a very clever linguistic and social joke! :)
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« Reply #41 on: October 25, 2011, 10:34:42 PM »
A fan of science, philosophy and so on. :)

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Once a beauty, now...
« Reply #42 on: November 08, 2011, 10:57:51 PM »
Once a beauty, now... you can see and decide which one do you like more before or now:

  http://looneyspot.com/once-a-beauty-now-a-wreck/?utm_source=wahoha.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=wahoha
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Working
« Reply #43 on: December 11, 2011, 03:31:49 AM »

Working


 "Woman: Why are you going here? -- Gas is ten cents a gallon cheaper at the station five minutes that way.
 Man: Because a penny saved is a penny earned.
If you spend nine minutes of your time to save a dollar, you're working for less than minimum wage."
http://xkcd.com/951/
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1 to 10
« Reply #44 on: December 11, 2011, 03:39:00 AM »

1 to 10

"Girl: On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is it that this question is using Binary?
Boy: ...4?
Girl: What's a 4?
"
http://xkcd.com/953/

 ;D
I will not write about SEO, but about love, food, UFO, sport, psychology, paranormal and everything else I like.

Tags: fun 
 

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