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Author Topic: Miscarriage  (Read 178 times)

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« on: December 20, 2022, 04:47:59 AM »



Miscarriage sucks.

When Kevin and I lost our first child in a miscarriage last September, our worlds were rocked in a way we didn’t anticipate. We weren’t planning for child at the time, and surprisingly (or, not so surprisingly), that did nothing to curb the shock and grief we experienced then and continue to experience every day.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the child I’ll never get to meet. Miscarriage is a very personal, traumatic thing that leaves an imprint on most everything. So, with that in mind, here are some helpful tips that we strongly hope you keep in your back pocket for the times a friend, family member or acquaintance has suffered the loss through miscarriage:

Be silently supportive. Acknowledge this is a sucky situation and offer any support. Do not offer any prepackaged nuggets of wisdom or inspirational quotes. Saying it's for the best or God must've wanted it that way does not offer any comfort or added value. Sure, it's true. But usually, those statements are said when no one has anything else to say and is looking for conversation fillers. It's OK to say nothing. In fact, we encourage it.

Don't ask the couple is the pregnancy was planned or unplanned. First, it's none of your business, and that goes for family, friend or whoever. Second, most people ask this question to find some sort of comfort in the situation. Hey, if it was unplanned, it makes this situation a little less terrible, right? Wrong. A loss is still a loss. Keep all inquiries to yourself. Instead, ask the couple if there’s anything at all you can do to help. Or, refer to point #1.

Don't ask when they're planning to start trying again. Again, it's none of your business and it's a sensitive topic. They just suffered a loss. Their world is likely still spinning. If they get pregnant again, the round belly will be a tell-tale sign. Just chill. See point #1.

Acknowledge first holidays will be hard. The first Mother's Day was very hard for me. I felt like a rain cloud followed me throughout my entire day. So know that most holidays after the miscarriage will suck. An even more sucky time? The due date of your child (ours was May 1, 2015).  Know that your friend or family member may be having a tough time and might not share in your joy that day as they have in the past. Don’t be offended. See point #1.

Don’t have any expectations of the couple for a little while. After the miscarriage, I didn’t feel like talking to anyone at all. Not friends, not family and certainly not anyone who would engage me in small talk. I simply did not have the capacity for it. I had some people who understood that, and others who did not, asking why I wouldn’t let them support me. If you have this thought, take a moment, step back and do a gut check — is your desire to have them talk selfishly motivated? If so, stop where you are and refer to point #1. It’s OK that your friend, family member or acquaintance doesn’t want to talk or rehash. They’ll come around eventually. Until then, you know what you can do (see point #1).

Have you suffered a miscarriage? Is there anything we missed? Comment in the section below.
Credit: https://www.thehonesttogoodness.com/blog/2015/8/5/what-not-to-say-to-a-couple-who-has-suffered-loss-through-miscarriage
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Re: Miscarriage
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2022, 04:49:10 AM »
We wish these lovely couple to be successful and happy!
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Re: Miscarriage
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2022, 04:59:03 AM »
 I am with a child-free attitude for many years and I want (and I was) being frank: well, if you love each other, it's nothing. (I mean it's not a reason to poison your relationship with depression or to divorce and so on -- some couples react to the miscarriages very bad and they make the things worse). There are also others who don't mind it so much and even there are people who do abortions and they're pro-choice (advocating legalized abortion).
 In this situation, all I wish to people like this couple is firstly to try to keep their love and then, later, best wishes and good luck with having a baby, if they really want it.
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